Helping families and children with separation can be very challenging for all involved. Certainly when a child is new to your program you will want to be intentional about transitioning gently into the new environment and schedule. Consider the child’s needs and how you might take action:
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The Child Needs…
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Caregiver’s Actions
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A plan for separation
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Plan ahead for this separation work. Talk with the family member who brings the child to child care.
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Their parent to say good-bye
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Suggest the parent stay 3 to 10 minutes to listen and calmly assure their child that they will return.
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The caregiver to be close and attentive
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Find a team member or another trusted adult to help out with the other children
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Time to cry and be cared for
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Relax, listen, and offer eye contact and connection.
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To hear that “Mommy (Daddy, Grandma) is always coming back, and I (Caregiver) will take good care of you.”
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Watch for progress. For some children it will take time so welcome the opportunity to offer connection and time to cry over many days.
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An emotionally secure caregiver
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Make regular, frequent time to be listened to yourself. A trusted friend, supervisor, relative, or co-worker can listen while you reflect on what gets hard about separations, crying, and tantrums--what happened in your own childhood around similar issues? And you can listen in return, to give them an opportunity to explore their thoughts and feelings on any topic they choose.
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Scenario
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A young mother rushes through the doors of the ABC Child Care Center located in the inner city. She is struggling to hold her nine-month-old, Jason, his diaper bag and her purse. Jason is clinging with both arms to his mother and is crying softly. They arrive at the infant room and Ms. Carol says, “Hi Ms. Jenson, it looks like you have a lot on your hands this morning. Let me help you.” The caregiver takes the diaper bag and the purse. “Mornings can be stressful and I can see that Jason loves being held by you. At this age, children are really learning to express their emotions and it can be hard to let go of mom.”
“Yes, it has been a busy morning. I am running late for work and I miss being able to hold him a little longer.” The mother looks at Jason and says, “Mommy loves you and will be back at the end of the day. Ms. Carol is going to take good care of you.” Ms. Carol holds her arms out, smiles and says, “Good morning, Jason.” Jason goes to her and looks back at his mother. “Let’s walk mom to the door.” Ms. Carol sings quietly to Jason as they wave at mom. Jason settles into her embrace.
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The caregiver’s sensitive and comforting response to both the mother and child is creating a foundation for sound relationships. By recognizing and empathizing with the parent’s situation, she is expressing respect and building a foundation of trust. Because of this, the mother may be more likely to ask this caregiver for advice in the future. The caregiver used this opportunity to express some developmental norms by stating that children at this age may typically have a hard time separating. This caregiver clearly has a goodness of fit with this child, as she used a quiet, responsive tone. This simple daily experience helps to create a supportive environment that fosters social and emotional health.